>>23202405Very well said.
I think it’s also the uncertainty as to why we must live this debased existence to begin with. Just unlucky? Bad timing? Did we fuck up in some major way? Did we commit a vile act of sin and this is our divine punishment? Regrets, shame, blame, rage, disquiet. And it’s very hard to get rid of those emotions, especially when they come seemingly inextricably intertwined.
I have a deal with myself that if I don’t have a certain kind of life by the time I’m 50, I’m going to kill myself. Hell, that deal, as macabre as it sounds, has actually stopped me from committing suicide earlier. May have ended up in the hospital, but I didn’t actually pull the trigger. 26 now, so with the very worst considerations I have 24 more miserable years to endure. I’m sure there will be a few laughs in there before I kick the bucket.
Picrel is an absent minded doodle from work today.
I hate life, get me out.
