>>23352228i dont think i hyperventilate, if anything, concentrating on slowing my breathing tends to make it worse
i took some buspar about 20 minutes ago and i think its working, it usually has in the past but i always forget how quickly it works, and seems to be stopping the face flushing
sorry i probably sound like an idiot after you went through all that effort only for the antidepressant med to work, but i always get so terrified, terrified the meds wont work, terrified i'll suffer in pain, terrified i'll have a stroke, terrified that by the time i dial 911 i'll already have suffered severe brain damage and the world will turn into a distorted mess
i probably have ptsd or something because 8 months ago when this all started i did shrooms and dxm together like an idiot and gave myself what i think is serotonin syndrome for like 10 hours straight
i blacked out probably a few times, was seeing stars, static, and some spiraling sensations (probably a seizure), severe vertigo, being unable to communicate or read writing, and it felt like the two halves of my body weren't communicating right
the only thing i felt i knew when it was happening was that i was dying, but i didnt, and a later mri scan showed i suffered no brain damage and that i was perfectly healthy as far as they could tell
but ever since then i've had a completely new and terrible outlook on the idea of death and terminal illness that terrifies me like nothing else ever has
