everything hurts, i get pains in my chest from how bad im hurting emotionally. i cant tell anyone out of either guilt or fear that theyll call someone. i want to go out into the big field and sit next to the lake there and slit my wrists. call an ambulance right before so one unsuspecting will stumble across my body. i think im really gonna do it soon. i dont think ive ever felt so sure about it before.