>>23603346Rumor had it that the Russian army, suffering a severe shortage of manpower, had launched a new “biological initiative” after a night of heroic drinking in the officers’ tent. Inspired by the amount of empty bottles and the vague memory that “plants grow if you just put them in the ground,” they decided to try the same with soldiers. One unfortunate recruit was buried up to his neck in a sunny clearing, wearing a motivational cap as if it might somehow encourage sprouting. Officers walked around him like farmers inspecting a stubborn potato. “Comrade, are you growing yet?” one asked. “No, sir,” the recruit sighed, “I am not a carrot.” The generals concluded the experiment was promising—no new soldiers had appeared, but the planted one stayed obediently in place for hours. They proudly filed this under “partial success,” blaming the lack of results not on the idea itself, but on insufficient watering… and perhaps too much vodka during planning.
