I am having some second thoughts about communism. More info inside:

I have been a lifelong adherent of communism for as long as I can remember, because my parents were ardent communist supporting Trotsky, Leninists communist Bolshevik party member in the Dutch parliamentary.

I was taught to be a communist before I could even speak or learned to listen. You could say it's in my very blood. When I met Belarus, you could say it was a match made in the stars, we are destined to be comrades forever, like Lennin and Trotsky. But you could say recently, there has been a falling out between us recently, and I don't know what to tell him. I am scared, scared of what this means for our rag-tag, communist group we have assembled together. What does this mean for the solidarity of the party? one can only imagine...

I have been plagued by dreams lately, dreams of the dissolution of the communist one-party state, it has led to many restless nights...

I have started to feel very uncertain about, well, just about everything, living in the Dutch capital of Amsterdam, it hasn't been everything you would expect it to be. I have been plagued with a different vision of the future, and my perspective on humanity has seem to have shifted...