>>23886226We spoke briefly once before, I'm sorry to see you still feel the same way.
You are placing a demand or qualifier on life that is hard to impossible to meet and locked your happiness on the other side.
If you don't want to suffer stop reinforcing it, live as you already were what or who you want to be.
Accept yourself, some good people will too but inevitably you will face some rejection from the world, we all do.
Life is a broad place of many interests and views, we're never all going to align and fit together but you can safely disregard the opinions of people that would try to diminish you for being a different kind of human being.
I guess this is a form of self loathing and it's unfortunate that it is available to you to condemn yourself for something outside of your control, to judge yourself on the circumstances of your birth.
To some extent we all have to live a life where we make some concessions, I don't truly desire to be a human, no one in their right mind would choose to consume corpses and to shit it out later for example.
Aside from how things are and have to be that we can't change we can experience, we can influence, focus and choose the things left to our volition.
You've put a lot of this volition behind this obsession, it has momentum but with some effort you can choose a different way of life, a different focus, another experience, craft new eyes through which to see the world.
It's not easy, there's always going to be justifiable reasons to feel awful about life on earth but why choose them over what could still be good?
When the inevitable reminders come, tell them to fuck off, that they don't matter, that they can't dictate your focus and how you feel about life or yourself.
Best wishes.
