Indulging in mature stuff, including trying it out yourself through art can be a lot to process internally, mainly if you've followed abstinence models for a while. There were a number of things I refused to do because of such arbitrary rules. To this day I refuse to have alcohol or use weed, partially because of how addictive and damaging they can be long term. Having a family member with a huge smoking addiction likely being the cause of his death only adds to it (though I definitely had secondhand exposure growing up). I won't go into much detail, but I mostly didn't apply such worries to sexual gratification. Can't deny I was addicted to the material for a while, though I don't feel that guilty about it. Perhaps since I haven't chased too great a high in this regard and I recognize it doesn't harm anybody when kept to myself and those OK with such media. Of course, some hold values real deep which demonize such adult material. I strongly disagree but I get why some feel that way, given it can be addictive and unhealthy early on. It's good that those around you respect your boundaries.