>be me
>28 year old softwarecels
>finally meet "the one"™
>she's cute, laughs at my wojak memes, doesn't immediately call me autistic
things move fast (her idea)
>2 years later she starts dropping hints about "locking it down"
>ring.jpg
>family pressuring me harder than a debt collector
>whatever.jpg sign the government marriage speedrun contract
Fast forward:
>day 1 of marriage: "we're a team now :)"
>day 367: "why don't you make more money? chad from my office just bought his wife a new SUV"
>day 731: "I want kids NOW or I'm unhappy"
>day 1095: "I'm not haaaaappy anymore"
>day 1096: lawyer.png
She takes:
>house you paid 90% of the down payment for
>401k you built while she "found herself"
>dog you actually trained
>half your future income via alimony because "lifestyle maintenance"
>kids (who now call step-dad chad "daddy")

You get:
>$400/month after child support & alimony
>studio apartment above a laundromat
>crippling depression
>weekends with kids only if you beg
>court-mandated anger management because you said "this is bullshit" once

Meanwhile:
>she's on tinder 3 weeks later
>bio: "divorced queen looking for REAL love "
>gets 400 likes in an hour
>immediately monkey-branching to next provider
Marriage is literally:
government-enforced subscription service
where women can cancel anytime
and keep 60-80% of the premium payments
while men get perma-debuffed debuff stack: broke + alone + child support
It's not a partnership.
It's a 50/50 100/0 wealth transfer machine with extra steps.
If you sign that paper in 2026 you deserve everything that happens to you.