i cant lie, planning and attempting suicide as a young teen due to my horrible psychotic episodes that made me have delusions about the governments being cartoonishly evil and kidnapping and eating babies and being in danger of evil men who'd want to kidnap and rape and torture me, coming out of those episodes deeply damaged, having to heal from them while trying to ward off future episodes, and then finding out now that actually it was all fucking real and true isnt doing wonders for my mental health! :') if i didnt have people who relied on me i'd probably just end it desu. i can feel my brain cracking and i know that means another episode is gonna come if im not careful and idk if i have the strength to fight it