My parents destroyed me, what now?

>normal kid
>plays with other kids, get into fights, havea normal life
>father punches my mom in the face while drunk
>divorce
>father is a dead beat and gives no money and no education
>mother goes insane at the start, all attemps of education are punching, then she goes to college and read some retarded books and doesn't want to teach her own children

>the only thing she used to educate me is guilty
>i did something she doesn't like? She talks about how she suffers and how her life is a living hell (implying without noticing that I was causing it somehow)
>can't even receive her own gifts without feeling bad all the time, I think i was the only kid in the world who felt sad for receiving anything
>i can't decide nothing because it because my mom suffering so much and trying to use guilt to control me
>"anon, do you want a or B"
>brain explodes

>ff
>college
>kid punches me
>i cant react because i was pusssifyed
>start to shake and cry
>more forward
>30 yo adult that can't engage into ANY conflct and always says sorry for everything


I tried going to a psychiatrist, but its really hard to find one with my budged, I even tried some, but the majority of them want just to suck your money and offer nothing i can't think for myself. I was hoping for some old dude that spent most of his days reading, but instead its a chick who asks me "Oh, DO you know roblox, my son plays it too? Oh? league of legends?"