>>2549384I know that the way I had worded it was excessively harsh, and I realize that some people would respond better to kindness but in my own personal experience the whole "patting their back and telling them it's okay" never worked. Not once.
I've dated a girl like this, and had at least three friends who also had a tendency towards this. With my girlfriend, I was always as loving and warm as I could be. Always telling her that it was okay, and that she could talk to me. ...She never did. She never told me what the problem was, and every time she said she'd stop she never would. She'd always come back with cuts on her arms, and tears in her eyes. Nothing ever changed.
With my friends it was the same thing. And when they couldn't get the pat on the back from me, they would go out and get it from somebody else. Some of these people, such as the case with my ex, had something genuinely wrong. But I never knew exactly what because they refused to tell me. There was no urgency for them to tell me; all I was left with was the mess afterwords that I always had to clean up with as best a smile I could manage even though I was breaking inside. I couldn't stand feeling so helpless.
You have to put your foot down. That doesn't mean telling them to go kill themselves, but you absolutely cannot say "There there, it's okay. You don't have to talk to me, but just know I'm here for you~". You have to put your foot down, and in return they have to open up. Otherwise nothing will change. They will continue to hurt themselves, cry, and drag everyone down with them until they either change or.... they end up dying...
Leaving you behind like the worthless, helpless idiot you are
