>pic related
I locked myself up in a room did about 400ug alone even though my parents were home. I was thinking in like 3 different language that I didn't speak but I understood what I was saying. I felt like everything I did was a ripple in a pound (like pic literally) and then I was reflecting on I wasn't man enough for my family. And though I was tripping balls I said I love you to my mom, she didn't notice I was losing my mind. It was intense though I thought I was gonna commit suicide.
I was fascinated by the sound of against the table. I could the sounds of organs bring amplified. I tried to sit down and meditate (I'm a novice) and it felt like every atom in my body was collapsing and releasing. I don't know how much time passed when I was doing that, but I felt like a achieve a sense of seeing that I didn't deserve. I could of ego death but I didn't want to. I felt like it was a privilege that wasn't meant for me. I haven't accomplished much and I haven't done much and I was doing acid because I wanted to be a stupid kid.
I feel a layer of life has been removed and still don't know what to do. After the trip I considered going to the Military to really put my talents to work and to leave the box I've put myself in, throughout my young life. Weed doesn't interest me and I notice the flaws and fallacies of my friends and even myself. Especially the state of inertia I put myself in when I use my phone.
I want to do acid again but I don't deserve it. I realized I need to put out my effort into taking my thoughts into actions. I've planted seeds but I'm waiting for it to grow. Hopefully if the ripples I set in my pound come into fruition, a big wave will finally come crash me.
Acid is crazy
