>>3372208for the past three years its been rare for me to go a day without considering it, anon.
I dont think I ever will because I'm too much of a pussy, but lifes rough. depression isn't something you can simplify, its very very complex. I have roughly nothing wrong with my life; I have a caring family; I got a $1000 scholarship; I'm in college; I have a big house; I have clean food and water; I have a computer. I'd say the only thing I'm missing in life is the social aspect, but I still have 3 friends online that I talk to.
depression digs through your skull and feeds you poisonous thoughts, and you can't control it. it constantly feels like you haven't eaten for days, but sometimes if you try to eat you want to throw up. there are constant headaches that seem to never go away and all you wish for is silence, but once its quiet you can just hear this static in your head. any little thing can break you down to the point you're just crying alone in your room clawing at your neck, pulling your hair, punching your arms. its so easy to act happy, its the same as making small talk to someone you dont want to talk to. theres a voice in the back of your head constantly telling you that life is pointless and you might as well end it now, that you'll never be happy, that you'll never succeed, that you're a failure. but you look at everything you have, and convince yourself that you're just lazy and you're not depressed, so you wont go to a therapist or talk to anyone about it. you can't do anything. it takes an hour to get out of bed after waking up. you cant even find the willpower to shower or brush your teeth. you can't do anything but sit as a husk, browsing without thinking or watching videos. games hardly work because any mistake you make will have you pulling out your own hair out of self-hatred.
I've wasted my past 18 years of life, anon. I've started 26 projects and haven't finished any, anon. thats why I wanna die, anon.
I'll figure life out eventually.
