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Stories thread

Anonymous ID:yYLfcEL0 Fri 22 Dec 2017 02:14:28 No.3428094 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>3428115 >>3428156 >>3429125 >>3429134

>be me
>buying myself some things on one of those community marketplaces
>my parents were with me, they wanted to buy some things too
>while I was looking at some neat fancy cheeses, they were looking for some olive oil
>cashier shows the types of olive oil they had in that shop
>one of them is extra virgin
>have an idea for a joke, autism kicks in
>tell joke to myself, thought noone would notice
>say undery breath "extra virgin, just like me"
>at least 7 people hear me say that
>shit.wad
>mfw cashier and other people walking by laugh at my grown extra virgin ass
>mfw my parents have been calling me olive oil for over a week now, in public and in front of guests

How was your day r/banter

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1512267444259.png, 81KiB, 378x357

Anonymous ID:hzDM0/ro Fri 22 Dec 2017 02:17:22 No.3428115 Report

Quoted By:

>>3428094
fine, olive

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:oSANbmJw Fri 22 Dec 2017 02:17:31 No.3428117 Report

Quoted By: >>3428434

Dude that was bretty gud
You should've owned up to that shit
I'm about to get shitfaced senpai that's how my day was

Chicanon

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 32425245125.png, 331KiB, 436x464

Chicanon ID:uQUNR0k0 Fri 22 Dec 2017 02:21:54 No.3428156 Report

Quoted By: >>3428334 >>3429079 >>3429134 >>3429411

>>3428094
>be me
>at local Walmart
>looking for beans
>some disgusting malformed mongrel makes his way towards me
>it is an an*Mefag
>he flaps his mongrel mouth to make sound
>MUHRPH
>FIFTESAXPISANT
>MESCANSRNUTWHITE
>he is denying my whiteness
>I must BTFO him
>I give him the bird
>FUCK OFF, AN*mEFAG SCUM I say as I raise my hands
>behold, my palms
>they shine with a luminescence that can only bring one word to one's mind
>WHITE
Pic related, an*Mefag SCUM

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:ggsuG5TU Fri 22 Dec 2017 02:27:27 No.3428334 Report

Quoted By:

>>3428156
Mex*cans aren't white

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:yYLfcEL0 Fri 22 Dec 2017 02:40:52 No.3428434 Report

Quoted By:

>>3428117
Good luck, I guess

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:yYLfcEL0 Fri 22 Dec 2017 04:17:50 No.3428912 Report

Quoted By:

Quit being pussies and contribute

Melvin

Melvin ID:GMtnxQK/ Fri 22 Dec 2017 04:46:56 No.3429079 Report

Quoted By:

>>3428156
Dog what

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:LRhIAy6A Fri 22 Dec 2017 04:56:08 No.3429125 Report

Quoted By: >>3429134 >>3429213 >>3429281

>>3428094
>be me
>walking through grocery with hand basket
>people everywhere
>hatian lady appears from crowd and stops mid-fucking isle
>audibly begin to blurt out "oh my god move" because shitty day
>lady behind me bumps me with her shopping cart
>"lady whoa!" jokingly because autism
>the malformed fetus of these sentences unfurls as "oh my lady" in the gayest voice humanly possible"
>FUCK.AVI
>there was no way out of or explaining this
>kinda adjust my shoulders, and move passed the humiliation that is my life

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:GMtnxQK/ Fri 22 Dec 2017 04:57:35 No.3429134 Report

Quoted By: >>3429144

>>3429125
>>3428156
>>3428094
None of these stories are at all remarkable

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:LRhIAy6A Fri 22 Dec 2017 04:59:15 No.3429144 Report

Quoted By: >>3429213

>>3429134
Alright, I can roll with that.
You greentext then, newfriend.

Meanwhile, I'll type another because boredom

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:LRhIAy6A Fri 22 Dec 2017 05:14:35 No.3429213 Report

Quoted By:

>>3429144
>>3429125
You want humiliation, let's fucking go.
>be at my gf's house
>her parents are fucking crazy btw
>her dad was a vietnam war vet and it definitely showed, was 0% chill
>her mom thinks that scent spritzers kill you chakra and that vaccines cause the tism
>we talk politics because they seem into it, and I'm about to leave with their sheltered daughter
>talk about jet planes because her dad works aviation now, and her mom was a flight attendant
>start talking WWII planes because planes and politics
Remember anons, any conversation about WWII will lead straight to Nazis. You can't avoid this shit.
>tell them that Nazis weren't generally bad guys
>a lot were forced/drafted, and most after learnibg about the holocaust were in legitimate tears
before I could explain any of this the damage was legitimately done.
>her mom had basically put an x over my face
>her dad started grilling me to check my percentage skinhead and his eyes were connecting dots like History Channel connects aliens to fucking wall paintings
>the rest of the night was awkward despite taking her around the fucking world like I was drunk Johnny Depp

Lesson for politics and parents is this:
D.O.N.T
it stands for dooooooooooooon't

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:EZE2sw2T Fri 22 Dec 2017 05:28:31 No.3429281 Report

Quoted By:

>>3429125
Poor you.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:YJT4oO+O Fri 22 Dec 2017 05:30:04 No.3429287 Report

Quoted By: >>3429366 >>3429379

Time for my embarassment.

>be me, i think 8th grade
>refuse to take shit in the school bathrooms because worse than walmart
>Hadn't shit in 2 days at this point because autism and vidya
>wait until i have some free time
>sprint outside and go behind the school into the woods
>go deep in and shart hard
>wipe with a leaf then check what time it was
>missed 20 minutes of class somehow
>Sneak back into school and wait for the next period while hiding in some closet
Next day, should mention that my elementary school was next to the middle school
>rumor started that someone flashed the 1st graders
>realise 6 years olds watched me taking a shit during recess
>sprint out of the class at full speed, some Initial D kind of shit
>hide in closet again
>going insane at this point
>get home, unfriend everyone and don't talk for a week
>school knows it was me but didn't have enough evidence
>my teacher comes to my house in person and confronts my parents
>hear the conversation, decide to play it cool
>get an entire gallon of milk and speedwalk back up to room
>jump out of my second floor window with milk in hands
>parents see me, jumping out of the window, bloody and covered with milk
>look inside
>realise what i had done
I cried myself to sleep for the rest of the school year. I have no friends and my family hates me thanks to the cleanliness of the fucking bathrooms.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:LRhIAy6A Fri 22 Dec 2017 05:44:23 No.3429366 Report

Quoted By:

>>3429287
You would rather shit outside than in a bad restroom?
... What?
You would rather shit outside on government property in the only place you have friends than shit in a slightly ghetto bathroom

What the fuck anon

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:9JEKkW28 Fri 22 Dec 2017 05:46:51 No.3429379 Report

Quoted By:

>>3429287
what the fuck is the end of that story? why did you jump out the window with milk?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:wN7nDHHC Fri 22 Dec 2017 05:50:06 No.3429411 Report

Quoted By:

>>3428156
nice job BTFOing that an*Mefag my white brother

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