>>351148Just FYI, for the past 3 months, I have wanted to kill myself. Every single day when I woke up, I wanted to stay in bed just to die.
I made the mistake of going to a college that was very obviously not a fit for me. Socially, I have done horribly and this entire semester has been hell, full of second-guessing and setbacks. When I'm here, I feel like I'm alone, constantly warding off any possible harm on my sense of self-worth at the expense of trying new things, stepping out of comfort zone or really getting to a place I want to be.
I constantly feel like I am on the defensive. Just going through each and every day trying to not weird someone out.
But, I hunkered down, studied, made a very good GPA, spent a lot of my time on transfer applications/getting qualifications for transferring, and am now approaching summer. In a week's time I will be back home, back with the people who I truly count as my friends, a comfy summer job and looking forward to a semester at a school where I will fit in and where I don't have to go through each and every day wanting to end my life.
What I'm trying to say is that it's darkest before the dawn I guess. I just spent 9 months in utter, complete hell and it has taken a horrible toll on my mental health and sense of self-worth. but I rode it out and am on my way to better things
