>>3742549I grew up with a 139 IQ. Stanford binet tested twice. I had an operation a few years ago with botched anesthesia. I havent been retested but I'm not the same.
There is no inner voice now. Thoughts dont come unbidden, they are dragged kicking and screaming from the void. There is no spark. No clarity. Everything seems closed in at the edges. The world looks smaller, darker, and more dangerous.
I was a writer. Now the words come out stilted. I feel like a fraud in all things. Before, I felt a presence in the universe. I felt close to God. Now (though I remain Christian) there is a blank, dull space. Nature holds no appeal. Learning and self improvement have lost their excitement. I am drawn to comfort in all things. I have left an entire section of myself somewhere. I am a piece of a person, and the days go by quickly. The moment is all there is.
It is hell. I would probably kill myself if I didnt believe that someday, something could bring that capacity of me back. For those that have never experienced intelligence, I can honestly say they I think they have no idea what life/self can look like. I may as well be a different species now. I just exist.
