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alright guys, post some embarrassing stories, ill start>be me, 8 year old anon > taking a shit at school, >suddenly, fire alarms start going off, and being the little bitch i am im fucking terrified of fire alarms > get startled, fucking book it mid shit, >i join my class outside the school, >suddenly realise i wasn't finished shiting when alarm went off > when i ran the turd fell on the floor, right infront of the entrance to the bathroom, >one of my classmates has to shit, he runs to the bathroom and is running really fast > unable to stop intime, steps in my shit, starts fucking screaming and teachers start coming, >he is covered in my shit, has to go home bcz covered in shit, >noone ever found out it was me
Anonymous
Anonymous
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Why are there so many greentexts about shit moment? Can't you just control your own asshole?
Anonymous
Anonymous
>be me >37 years old >see this thread >read the greentext >start shitting my pants uncontrollably >shit is loud >mom runs into my room >starts to yell at me >can't stop shitting all over my room >dad runs in >starts yelling >slaps the shit out of me >can't stop shitting >write this post while shitting and parents yelling at me >need to get out of the room >open the door >sit on the floor >me and my parents start walking the dinosaur
Anonymous
>>398158 y-you got pics big boy?
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>396311 >be me 8 year old >in after school program >have no friends >see two asian friends playing together >one is on the couch laying on his stomach pretending to sleep >the other one is kneeling beside him >whenever the asian on the couch pretends to sleep, the other one would put his hands on his ass >then the one pretending to sleep would wake, and pretend he didn't know who did it >they both laugh, and repeat >i think this is odd >the next day the ass touching friend isn't there >i decide i want to be their friend >the kid is on his stomach laying on the couch, and trying to actually sleep this time >i go up to his ass >keep in mind that this guy is a stranger to me >i almost touch his ass >i'm contemplating whether i should do it or not >while im contemplating, my hand is hovering over his ass, while he sleeps >i was there for maybe a minute of two with my hand hovering over his ass >he doesn't notice because he's sleeping >one of the staff members see me there >they pull me to the side and ask me in a kind manner >"do you think anon would like that?" >i say no >mfw they probably think im a future faggot >mfw other kids probably also saw me >i still cringe some nights L. Wyatt
>be random drunkard peasant >live in Siberian shithole, normies don't get me >it is frozen, excruciating wasteland, barely survive on my own >steal every once in while, make trouble >this results in beatings from papa >I disappoint them eternally >papa and mama eventually forget me >I am forced to leave >I look to the church for a place to belong >but they don't want me >no man, no entity, nothing would want me >somehow get by even knowing I have no one >I am a robot, with no one to care for me >find comfort in vodka and wine >still a poorfag who can't afford to drink as much as I wish >one day, straddling around my village >wondering about what could have been >fucked up folks like me are no good, I think to myself >there's no point in life, it's all for nothing >all of a sudden I see her walking by >Praskovia >Siberian qt 3.14 >that moment must have changed my life, even for what would happen next >she broke my heart and put it together at the same time
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>I try so hard to get her attention >she is my life now >there's nothing that can separate us >her parents object to letting peasant like me take her >but it does not matter, she is my oneitis >and it's all for naught if I don't try >when she ignores me, I drink myself to death >when she gives me the smallest ounce of attention I atone >I could not play this game forever >eventually scrap what little I have to buy ring >propose >she accepts the proposal >never have I felt so happy >we have cheap wedding in church >celebrate at home with alchohol like true Russians >eventually the years come by >my son, Dmitri, is born >a day I will not forget >more time passes >I have Matryona, and Varvara >beautiful daughters >we had very little, but they were my pride >I would dedicate my life to them >work as peasant farmer for years to come >fights with wife happen constantly >drink whenever she causes trouble for me >don't know what to think, I thought I would be happy >eventually I find myself invested in the church again >for so long they did not want me, but I found way >I belong
Anonymous
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>this sense of belonging was only temporary though >there was mistake made by me >decide to steal horse, thinking I could get away with it in little village like mine >I didn't, and the authorities were on their way to find me >eventually, with the help of vodka, I come to make one of the hardest decisions of my life >I told my wife of this news and hell was unleashed >I told her I had to leave >she screamed at me in front of children to get out >get on horse, abandon my family >think of what I am doing >their voices softly echoing through my head >I try to forget but it is a wound that will never heal >but there was no time, I had to march onwards >with a broken heart I eventually found myself in St. Petersburg >I was involved in usual religious affairs to leech off of them and distract myself >the comfort of the church and the whorehouses worked wonder >I can act like Chad now, they have no idea who I am >I don't feel as miserable >Bishop Theophane even takes a liking to me >he introduces me to many harlots >Lochtina, an ill Stacey wishes for me to heal her >I am not even a monk, I don't even know why she asks me >but I "try" for her >once done, I go back to buisness, lying around and praying >normie Stacey returns days later to tell me I healed her >what is this sorcery? >I doubt her claims >I was not the cause >but then she pushes her superstition >I hide in my little room in the church >am I God himself? >am I a mystic healer? >more and more, I forget about who I was, I am new man
Anonymous
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>this Lochtina woman becomes obsessed with me >invites me to local salons who spoke of nothing but me >they believe I am a healer >she even takes me into her home >better than shithole I was in >I live a comfy NEET lifestyle >don't need to give fuck about anything >just drink and lie around all day, fantastic >but it gets even better >lady named Anna Vyrouba is an acquaintance of Tsarina >one day I am introduced to her >she questions my ability to heal >mfw this bitch >I tell her that her marriage will fail >this triggers her eternally >I ramble on and she eventually is sick of my shit >doesn't want to start an argument though >she leaves >months later, holy shit it comes true >I am God himself >attention is diverted towards me >she, among others won't stop talking about me >the Tsar of Russia himself eventually takes a liking to me >this occurs when the other aristocracy members introduce him to me >he mentions his son who is ill >I manipulate him into making him believe I can "heal" him >I come up with plan >at same time though, he reminds me of me when I was boy >take some pity upon him >doctors swarming around him >I tell them no >it appears that this allowed the boy to heal on his own and feel less stressed >they believed that it was me who healed him >I eventually find myself the adviser of the Tsar and Tsarina >wonderful
Anonymous
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>over the years I become more and more powerful >I drink more problems away the more destruction I bring >they still praise me though >there are faggots who oppose me, but that is alright >because I have upper hand >I crush them >act as degenerate >join sects who share degenerate feeling >go off and on for long time, then it happens >the entire fucking European powers fight over land and power >the Russia and Europe is in danger >the Tsar does not let me have power in war, only spiritual affairs >but this changes in 1914 Winter >I get to fight those Finnish fucks, no one dare fuck with me now >me and Tsarina are close enough to fuck >well maybe not because I am drunk retard but we are still close >I dominate now >order Russian troops be deployed wherever the fuck >man this is good idea >or so I thought
Anonymous
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>I am the tick on the camel that is the Imperial Family >but this angers many revolutionaries >still I don't give fuck >thousands of Russian lives dead because of me >I never gave fuck because I thought I was saving them >I was wrong >I had wife and children in Siberia but I did not care >nor would I care till death >WW1 begins to take a toll on Russia >realize how fucking unrealistic my goals are >1916 comes to an end >I have ruined Russia >I have tainted Europe >what the fuck have I done >even the Tsarina is skeptical of me >media fights against both of us due to the loss of the war >I swear that whore was a factor as well >but they blame me >still I find way to reassure that I am still good for them >I am hanging on a thread >still, Tsar and his family defend me >saves me time to ruin life more and drink >wonder what will become of me >still give advice to royal family >but they don't trust me because I am faggot >fuck them though >don't even know why I'm here >just want to screw around and serve the Lord >eventually they get sick of me though >On the night of December 17th, 1916, the Great Duke Dmitri Romanov, Prince Felix Yussupov, Vladimir Purishkevich (a member of the Russian Parliament), and Dr. Lazaret invite me to Yussopov place >I thought it was meeting, but it was so much more
Anonymous
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>Apparently I was supposed to heal wife of that faggot Felix too >I did, but it was clear that I wasn't worth shit anyway >just another risk for me to take >this goes on for about an hour of me doing the actual work of God >but strange guests interrupt me for rest in the basement >I tell them to fuck off because it is fishy >but they insist I go into the basement >eventually they piss me off bad so I head off into basement >dark, cold >they offer me strange pastry and wine >wine is tempting but I am not in mood for it >refuse >they offer again >fuck you I am not eating that >they place it on table >they give me a few minutes to discuss private meeting stuff >of course they do not trust me, I am fool and they know it >what fuck are they talking about? >who cares, life is over now >career is over, I have nothing >I left beautiful wife, I left lovely kids >for whorehouses, for fame, for wealth >it is all for naught, I do not care >you know what? >why don't I drink wine little bit >I never minded drink >drink entire bottle >begin to feel ill >oh shit, this is not good
Anonymous
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>Felix returns to the basement >asks me how I am feeling >little bit sick, why? >does not respond >only tells me to lie down, eat pastry >well fuck, I could be hungry >why don't I have tea Felix? >I want tea. >say, aren't you skilled with the guitar, companion? >well, perhaps you could play some while I rest >it would be of great need, as I do not feel well >he looks visibly frustrated >but he picks up guitar >something is going on >I know he is responsible for something >that fucking nobleman >he knows that I know too >this game I play continues for two hours >even the others come in to see what is happening >start to burp and salivate >they notice >I pretend to feel better >they are now uncomfortable >others leave >Felix still plays his guitar and makes small chat >we get to point where we say nothing >I look to a fancy cross in the room >if I am to survive this duel, I pray my God >please let me see my wife and children again >please let me see my faults for what I've done >please redeem me for the destruction >I must have stared for five minutes at that cross >suddenly I hear a click >Felix pulls his revolver's trigger >I am shot in the back >I let out a bestial cry like no other has made before >it clearly sends a chill down the man's spine >I fall to the floor, perishing
Anonymous
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrVjpjebIZo >They remove my boots and coat for some unknown reason >I look to my only refuge in shock >my Duke Dmitri has forsaken me, like I had forsaken all who loved me >could you believe this? >I could not, despite the fact that deaf, dumb, blind man could see through this >they all leave >a tacit understanding between me and devil, mistakes are always met with consequences >feel myself fall asleep >struggle to wake up >eventually see Felix walk back in >you bastard >I open my eyes wide >get up quick >he screams in a state of fear >I attempt to beat my attacker >but his resistance makes it difficult >feel myself fall to the floor again >Felix runs outside panicking >I drag myself up the stairs and run into the snow >I'LL TELL THE TSARINA EVERYTHING >feel myself get shot in the back once more >then in the skull >God I've never felt anything more painful >it was a state of panick for all, it was >I beg for him to stop >but he ignores >he takes out a rubber trencheon >the others watch as I am beat into a bloody pulp >I lay in the snow weeping myself till I fell unconscious again >wake up >I am back in the house >they see that I am still alive >they don't care anymore >they don't care about how much suffering they've put me through >they grab me and throw my bloody carcass in the car Cont'd
Anonymous
>the Duke Dmitri and Dr. Lazaret hold me down >I am barely awake, but they know I am >I try to get them to understand what they are doing >I stare at them with my one twitching, tear-soaked eye >they don't look back >they cannot >the only thing they can do is ignore what terrible crime they have committed >it is enough to leave a man distraught, the burden of death >I knew this omen myself, and would carry it to my grave >as I lay in that car trunk I can only think of my former wife >I wish I had memory of achievement to look back upon and feel happy about >but I could not think of one >I abandoned all who loved me >I left my wife for a life of crime when I should have faced my consequences >but I lied to you, and I abandoned you, Praskovia >I abandoned you, Dmitri, Varvara, Matryona >I hurt those I loved and I would pay the ultimate price for it >being sick, and in constant hurt, I try to make myself fall asleep >but the car stops >the Duke and Felix appear to me >with my one eye I try to peer out and see what is out there >the Niva river >I feel myself getting picked up >and Lord it is painful >I find myself unable to weep >my attempts to fight back are useless >I hear a great sigh as they swing me back and throw me into the river >my heart is racing >my cries are that of a beasts' cry >I try to swim myself out but I can only attempt to claw my way out of the ice >but the ice is too thick >they stare at me as I sink to the bottom >there is no one but me now >no pain anymore >I failed you >I failed you all
Anonymous
>>398636 That was a retarded copy
L. Wyatt of the Circassian Sultanate +4 !0Me.AeHUwY
L. Wyatt of the Circassian Sultanate +4 !0Me.AeHUwY ID:kCa3w7l9 Fri 12 May 2017 21:27:12 No. 398692 Report Quoted By:
>>398668 Yeah but it stuck with me, there was also a millionth tard story that I'm looking for now
Anonymous
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>be me >2/10, look like shit >hobo tier, wearing rags and shit >taking a shit >see this shitpost >laugh >shit myself >start shitting everywhere because shit greentexts about shitting are hilarious and not shitty >shit >get up >still shitting everywhere >walk out of my alley >shit flying down the street >shit rocket propel myself upwards >nose dive into OP's bedroom while he's jacking off to traps >OP is using his shit as lube >shit on his chest >shit on his mouth >shit on his shit >accidentally suffocate him with shit >oh shit.jpg >hide the body >bury it with shit
Anonymous
L. Wyatt of the Circassian Sultanate +8 !0Me.AeHUwY
L. Wyatt of the Circassian Sultanate +8 !0Me.AeHUwY ID:kCa3w7l9 Fri 12 May 2017 21:48:25 No. 399346 Report Quoted By:
