>>3970498What have I done to earn the things I have? What milestone have I crossed that others haven't? The answer? I've done nothing.
I've done nothing to obtain the things I have. The things I do have are not the fruits of my own but that of others around me.
I do not deserve the chilled filtered water in my glass as many others who go without do. I don't deserve the very device I
write this on. The only reason I have the things I do is pure dumb luck and that is all there is to it. And yet even by knowing
this? I fucking squander my advantages. I am given things that people dream of. I've done things people hope to do. Yet I'm
still left feeling no better; having these things. I waste my time day by day until I either find a leg up or sink into the
cracks of the floor board.
I have no reason to be the way I am. It is neither my fault nor those who have raised me. I just am. My life has been easy and
I do not have to work to help my family as many I know do at my age. My hands are soft and my house is warm. Yet I am jaded.
Jaded towards life and the events that it turn up. I've grown cynical towards everything and I feel no true connection for my
family. If any of them were to die I would act sad and cry for those around me but inside I know. I know that I feel nothing
but a yearning to feel something more. What dimmed my light? Where did I turn into the pessimistic defeatist I've grown used
to seeing in the mirror?
I'm getting tired. Soon maybe I'll take a longer rest than just the night.
