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Lifeguarding story time /bant/>be me, male, 19, somewhat overweight because forwarding American stereotype >get a job as lifetard >work place and bosses are chill >some guys are chads, but are nice >most grils are hot and none of them are stacies (or none of them were assholes to me) >one gril is fat, and as a result, is a feminist >new management took over pool because other management went bankrupt >first time as lifetard so had no idea this was the case >staff was a mixture of people who worked at the pool last year and newfags >apparently, not a single fuck was given about enforcing rules last year >I'm normally quiet but come from a loud family >I decide I had better do my job, so I enforce rules >I'm loud >but, I'm doing my job >make friends and become known as the strictest lifetard that works there because I do care about safety, but I also like yelling at asshole kids who think they can do whatever they want >become legend at place of work since I'm loud enough to yell at kids who are 500 feet away
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173318 >the fat gril, lets call her Lydia, was a whiny bitch that tried to get out of doing things like closing duties, as well as being a bitch just in general >she was the only person I had anything against >she made it clear that she didn't want to work there because she thinks everything should be handed to her and not have to work >one day her cat died >uses it as an excuse to try and get out of working that day >manager tells her that she has to come in anyway because we were short staffed and if she didn't come in, nobody would have any breaks >bitch decides not to come in anyway >manager gives her 10 penalty points (get 20 and you get fired from the company with no chance of a rehire) >nobody has a break for the entire day >was one of the hottest days of the summer >we all spam her snapchat (except me because I didn't have one until later in the summer because I have no friends) asking her how her cat was >doesn't respond and we assume she is crying >I give her shit for the rest of the summer about how she was late for all the shifts she missed every time she snapchatted herself being at the pool Anonymous
>>4173326 Have these typed on a word document because fuck /b/. Nobody gave a shit there.
Anonymous
>>4173329 >very strict lifetard >I don't ever take any shit from kids >working water slide one shift >little fucker kids decide it would be fun to block the water jets on the slide >wouldn't care but I'm standing right there and its soaking me >tell kids numerous times to stop >did for a while (like 2 minutes) but would start up again >amazingly, I held my cool and didn't yell >one fucker decided to be an asshole >he starts blocking the water jets but like, picks up the water so there is a pool of water in his hand >tell him not to do that for reasons stated above >says sorry like he didn't care, throws the water in his hands on me and proceeds down the slide before I told him he could go >mfw he done fucked with the wrong lifetard >calmly say to him "guess what bro, you're banned from the pool" >didn't put up a fight because he knew he wasn't going to win >instead he goes tell his mother >she tells the manager >manager is dealing with a little girl who hit her head on the slide and since we don't take chances on head injuries, we called paramedics >mother has the fucking audacity to go up to the manager while dealing with a potential emergency and says that a lifeguard banned her kid from the pool >manager has none of this and says "ma'am, I'm sure that if that lifeguard gave your kid a ban, then he deserved it" >she tries to argue some more he gets mad and says that he is dealing with a situation and if she doesn't leave him, she would be escorted out of the facility >she leaves, pissed off >mfw my chad manager, stood up for me Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173352 >see this gril who is at the pool with her bf >7/10 but I don't care cuz I have my anime waifu (and my social skills suck because I'm an autist) >not many people at the pool that day >gril and her bf start to get touchy >they are kissing and starting to feel each other up >not completely sure if they are allowed to be doing this, but I like what I am seeing, so I let them continue >I have sunglasses on despite the fact that it was cloudy that day so I could get away with watching them and not feel completely creepy even though watching people was my job >they continue to have an all-out make-out session >guys hand is touching her boob under her bikini >her hand is in his trunks >they are in the open, not hidden from anybody >other lifetards only see that they are kissing so they don't have problem with it >mfw I see the real picture >he pulls his trunks down and tries to fuck her >at this point I don't want to stop but I realize I can make this situation embarrassing for everybody >not supposed to cuss because of pool rules and I represent the company and shit >look around, see no kids at the pool >it was just those two lovebirds and the one guy who always sits in one chair every single day (dude is fucking awesome) >say in a loud voice so the other lifetards can hear me "sir, please do not fuck your girlfriend in the pool. we will have to put more chlorine in the pool to disinfect it of her vaginal fluids" >hear some lifetards laugh, the others around me had their jaws hit the floor >gril looks mad, but the dude was smiling >mfw everybody heard me in the area and was laughing their asses off >I'm a fucking jerk Anonymous
>>4173372 1/2
>we had to do parties sometimes when some rich faggot or group of faggots rent out the pool for a night >sucks when that happens especially when your scheduled to work the next day >become bigger asshole during those hours, something I though was previously impossible >get even more strict about kids breaking the rules, ie middle school girl goes down slide that she is too big for >I'm next to friend >friend tells her not to go down >she goes down anyway >friend was going to shrug his shoulders and leave it at that >I was having none of it >yell at her "did that lifeguard just tell you not to go down the slide?" >answers yes >"then why did you go down the slide" >she has no answer, and then I proceed to bitch at her and that if she did it again, there would be consequenses >bitch didn't do it again >another day when we were told that there was a party, we were also told that the party goers would be teenagers because of some freshmen high school party or some shit Anonymous
>>4173395 2/2
>anyway we were annoyed that we were going to be watching a bunch of horny teens >the irony was that some of the lifeguards that I worked with were the same age but were still bitching about it >predictably, Lydia skipped her shift, but at this point I was like who cares? Fuck that fat land whale anyway. Won't have to listen to her bitch about the glass ceiling. >(she literally complained about how she wasn't being paid as much as the men even though every lifetard had the same wage) >anyway horny-ass teens start piling their way in >predictably, some people started grinding on each other and we were told that we could stop them >I never had to, but I heard some other lifetards call them out >I had horny 6 horny grils bug me the entire time >they followed me to every rotation I went to >they were kind of flirty, but I was 19 and they were like 15-16 >I'm morally upstanding about this because fuck jail, I don't want some nigger raping me, also wouldn't feel right. >I was sure that it was some kind of joke because I'm like a 5/10 and socially anxious >made comments about my appearance and teased me because I have a "beer gut" >eventually one got out the water and started to touch my feet >uncomfortable.jpg >I told her to stopped and of course she didn't >I kicked her in the face and she fell into the pool >lifetard friend laughing hard at the other station >Loudly declare "MY FEET ARE NOT FOR THE FEEBLE! MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS THIS AND WORKED HARD TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TOUCH THEM ONCE EVERY 3 AND A HALF WEEKS!" >uncomfortable confusion among parent chaparones >everybody else is laughing >I wasn't trying to be funny >mfw that was pure autism Anonymous
>>4173401 You’re a fuckin legend bro.
Anonymous
>>4173424 I've got one more story, should I post?
Anonymous
Anonymous
Quoted By:
ebin
Anonymous
>>4173431 1/2
>working another party, different from the last one >I had noticed that some parties had activities for the kids to do >I then had an idea >for the sake of being an asshole, every time some kid did something wrong, everybody would have to do something >group of middle schoolers were here for the party >too perfect >eventually one kid fucks up by going down the slide head first >whistle and say you can't go down the slide head first >"now everybody has to recite the pledge of allegiance" >the utter confusion in everybody's head but mine was amazing >little shits refused to be patriotic >ordered everybody out of the pool until they all recite it >some parent went to the manager to see why I was doing this >he sticks up for me saying it could be an effective way for kids to stop breaking the rules >they buy it >kids recite the pledge of allegiance and are allowed back into the pool >explain to my lifetard friend what I did and said it was genius >I made them do things throughout the night like making everybody conga line around the pool facility perimeter to dancing the Macarena, (despite having to show them) >my favorite by far was when this fat bastard kid wouldn't stop rocking the diving board >shits gonna break >tell him to stop and declare to everybody that now everyone has to do a belly flop >nobody is pleased but demz da rules >a girl goes off and her bikini top comes off and I see it floating at the top of the water >she swiftly retrieves it and puts it back on embarrassed for the rest of the night >but the fat kid that broke the rules went last >I told him that he had to keep jumping until I decided it was good enough Anonymous
>>4173447 2/2
>I made that fat fuck jump so many times >his first jump was really weak >I said "dude, if you want to stop, you need to make a splash that touches the face of god, himself" >totally doable, he is that fat despite being in middle school >but even if he did it well the second time, I would have kept him going >he was not really trying as the second splash was weak as well >I said "bro I've got all night. I'll make you keep doing this until the party is over." >takes me seriously this time and his third jump splash is better, but still not good enough >make him do it over and over >an audience forms at the fifth jump >about the twentieth time, his chest is redder than the ripest tomato on earth >still not good enough >I said "I'm still not impressed" >he is in visible pain but lets out what must have been a war cry to him >sounded like an ox fucking a sheep, mixed in with a "reeeeeeee" >while he is doing this, he gets on the diving board and jumps what looked like ten feet in the air >this motherfucker then puts out his arms and legs in like a star and hits the water flatter than I have ever seen anyone before >a good five seconds of silence as he was in the air >every part of his body hit the water at like the exact same moment >the sound it made was biblical >was so loud it could have easily been mistaken for a gun shot >water went flying up into the air so high that it practically did touch the face of god >he came out of the water SO FUCKING RED >everybody was clapping and cheering >I was standing there nodding my head with a thumbs up >mfw that kid left the pool party a fuckin war hero Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>4173401 You must continue, /bant/ demands it
Anonymous
>>4173451 This is fucking bomb I don't care if I'm reading fiction
Anonymous
>>4173476 It isn't fiction. That was probably the best day of my life.
Anonymous
>>4173318 >>4173352 >>4173372 >>4173395 >>4173401 >>4173447 >>4173451 holy fuck my sides
Take all my (You)'s man
someone needs to screencap this shit
Anonymous
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>>4173485 Screencap dude, we need this thread
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>4173485 I screencapped it for the future generations.
https://imgur.com/gallery/wnUg8 Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
This is one long story about lifeguarding...
Anonymous
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>>4173557 It's actually a slice of life miniseries.
Anonymous
Here's a better screencap
Anonymous
>>4173606 >doesn't line up triggers my autism
Anonymous
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>>4173614 too lazy to line them up so...
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>4173606 YES IM GOING TO POST THIS ON r/4chan!!!!!
Anonymous
>>4173606 Shit I just wrote another one. This was by far the oddest thing that has ever happened to me
>for some reason, there were these Islamic people who came to the pool >NONE OF THEM SPOKE ANY ENGLISH DESPITE LIVING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING UNITED STATES OF AMERICA >legit, they only speak Arabic >probably terrorists anyway >man with beard longer than fuck and whiter that an albino bitch >has multiple wives >consequently has more kids than the entire nation of china >not a single one of those fuckers obeyed any of the rules >they break all of the rules >I decide to go full autistic after another little shit breaks a rule >laststraw.png >I scream as loud as I can "ALLAHU AKBAR" >everybody stops to look at me >father comes over and starts screaming at me in Arabic >I scream back at him in Russian (fluent in both English and Russian) >cops come >mfw the man gets arrested >one of the mothers piles all 1000 kids into a minivan >the other three mothers all ride off on mopeds >manager was only concerned with why I was screaming in Russian >mfw I don't know >I'm fucking autistic Anonymous
>>4173606 don't you try and outdo me you little bithc
Anonymous
>>4173634 already did :^)
>>4173632 okey
Heres the more updated version of screencap
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173652 i'm still gonna karma farm this on reddit
Anonymous
Thank you all of you for reading! /b/ literally did not give a shit because the absolute state of the board is shit. It's the same everyday. But seriously, thanks. Unfortunately, that was all that has happened to me.
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173664 /b/ is only a place to go for porndumps now
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173677 Yep.
>>4173680 Thank you, my New Zealander friend.
Anonymous
>>4173685 Not going there anymore. /bant/ is my new home.
Anonymous
>>4173693 as long as you don't act like a basic /b/tard, you'll be fine
Anonymous
>>4173696 I feel more autistic than a basic /b/tard. The net autism of /b/ has gone down.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>4173704 well at least your autism is well trained for the greater good
Anonymous
>>4173693 no, go back there
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173711 No. The cancer there is real. You go back.
Anonymous
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>>4173652 I'll read this on a rainy day, thanks
Anonymous
>>4173747 go back there and stay there
Anonymous
what the hell is up with all these people coming from /b/ all of sudden?
Anonymous
>>4173711 >>4173758 >>4173763 what kind of board did you come from though?
Anonymous
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>>4173763 This guy seems cool, get that stick out of your ass
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>4173763 cross-boarders are spilling the beans
op seems ok though
!/aya/pCodE
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173763 A random board like this wont stay comfy forever. As /bant/ becomes more renowned, more and more crossboarders and redditors will come. It's just the way of the world.
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>4173318 Lifeguards in BC get paid 26$ (21 USD) an hour. No joke.
Anonymous
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>>4173763 > Being angry at my hero Anonymous
>>4173790 Damn! I was paid 8.15 USD an hour.
Anonymous
>>4173788 but it hasn't been a year yet ;_;
Anonymous
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>>4173789 >>>>>>>>>>/int/ GO BACK THERE
Anonymous
>>4173790 >>4173799 Ah well. Its worth it when you job is yelling at kids.
Anonymous
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>>4173800 >;_; okay now you're making yourself look even more stupid
!/aya/pCodE
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>>4173800 hey guess what?Im from /b/ too
Anonymous
>>4173800 Big happenings like the recent PD threads will inevitably be screencapped by some jackass and posted on r/4chan. Nothin' we can do about it.
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>4173831 It's just some namefag who does crazy shit sometimes while also acting like a plague doctor
Anonymous
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>>4173831 ginger man did illegal stuff. Check it out on nyafuu his name is just PD
Anonymous
>>4173831 >>4173812 not even memeing
https://trr.tbe.taleo.net/trr01/ats/careers/requisition.jsp?org=CITYBURNABY&cws=1&rid=3545 I work for a city and the pay is really high. I had to take 6 courses though and they get to around 1400$ in total. Tell me what you had to do to become a lifeguard in America. Also welcome to bant we have fun here :^)
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>4173876 >25.65 bucks per hour Anonymous
>>4173871 One of the other lifeguards told me that they took a semester class for lifeguarding and they got certified for 3 years or something I took a class that was 10 hours for 2 days and it got me certified for a year. Program was called starguard. I got somewhat lucky, though. One of those days it started to thunderstorm and they had to let us out 3 hours early. Have no idea why we didn't train indoors in the first place.
Anonymous
>>4173876 Holy crap! 25.65? The managers were only paid 12.50.
Anonymous
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>>4173401 haha i laughed.i wasnt gonna post butt you deserve the (You) for you effort, fren :)
Anonymous
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>>4173889 The 6 courses I took took me were about 25-40 hours each. BC and the Yukon have the strictest standards though, so we get paid the most
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>4173685 We have all a/b/andoned /b/
Anonymous
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>>4173901 That's not a lot of money. I get paid 10.50 working as a cashier at a clothing store.
Bnonymous
Quoted By:
Damn, another really good thread.
