>>4250766>implying I trust them with my problems anyway:(
>>4250756I probably won't actually do it. I don't actively want to die I just wish all this shit would stop, I don't want to die I just don't want to live.
There's a fucking pile of reasons for it, I think I'm naturally disposed to this shit anyway since it seems to run in the family but my situation isn't helping. I really fucked up my education in my early teens and I've only bought it back recently, I'm in 6th form now and we've got exams coming up and while I'm not too worried about the exams themselves the rest of it is really getting to me, that and the stress is getting to me.
I don't have any really close friends, despite having many friends, and I don't feel I can talk to anyone about this gay shit. My family doesn't do anything objectively bad but I just don't enjoy being around them, or feel I can trust them. I like my Dad but he lives halfway across the country and my good brother is living in Canterbury. Just difficult to find any sort of fulfilling relationship in general and I'm not helping it by building a wall of shitty humour around me devolving all of my friendships to shitty jokes and no real discussion of any kind. It just isn't fucking fulfilling and I've become disillusioned with it as a whole, the career I've been heading to my entire life feels just seems shit and the stuff I am actually interested I dropped in secondary school and can't go for them anymore. Feel like I'm not even the same person I was 3 years ago anymore, can't figure out why I did the things I did or fucked up my life like that. I just don't feel like any of it's worth it anymore.
Sorry for the block of text but you and all the feels itt set me off.
