>>4289912I don’t get it. Really, I don’t. It’s five in the fucking morning and all I have heard for the past two fucking hours is licking, sucking, moaning (yes, dogs apparently can moan like transvestite cuban sex operators), and snuffing. I turn on the lights and my girlfriends terrier is at it again--rigorously eating out its ass like there was some sort of cracker jack prize if you just managed to get in far enough to pull out with your tongue.
This is what it’s like every fucking night. Well, every day for that matter too. Her terrier is OCD about the ASS. Once he pops he can’t stop. It doesn’t even matter if I throw him out of the room because I can hear the telltale lapping echo down the hallway. You know how some soldiers can’t stop touching their stump when it’s gone? Well this mutt probably doesn’t have an asshole any longer because he clear fucking licked it off. Now he’s going through post traumatic stress because the chew toy he lost up there can’t be gotten back because he sealed off the point of entry with purina ass chow fortified with obsessive licking.
Sometimes he even gets angry at it. Saddest thing you ever saw. A dog growling at his own asshole. Like John McCain trying to distance himself from George W. Bush. After a while when he realizes that the asshole won’t respond he goes back to sucking, licking, and whining.
I’m fairly sure a muzzle wouldn’t do any good. I get the feeling that he’d manage to wedge it in there somehow and end up breaking his fucking neck. Then I’d be in a world of hurt. Try explaining to the vet why your girlfriends dog has a muzzle up his ass without using the word ‘German’ or the number ‘3’.
I swear I just heard him dislocate his jaw. God help me. He’s going deeper.
