Anons, i have been depressed for several years and literally nothing happens in my life, I Left the university and today I am another maintained NEET without a social life.

The important thing is that as much as I want my life is still so boring, I have done some shit by simple boredom as almost kill a bray for frustration but still nothing happens, even humiliate an ex- delinquent in a public place when I'm nothing more than a pile of bones, when my father tried to kill my mother I took a shovel and left him unconscious and then insulted my mother and left to walk at dawn but nothing happened, not even the rats of the rats in a country of shit like mine attacked me, my father tried to hang himself but I do not succeed, now we all live in the same house but nothing happens, I'm tired of nothing happening, nobody falls in love with me or I fall in love with anyone, I do not feel attached by anyone including my family, if they did not stop me I would have left to not return, even my suspicions that I was a sissy were nothing more than suspicions, nothing happens anons, I am so bored that I spend all day here.

I tried to make friends but I really do not get along with anyone (not even with people from image boards) and the only way to do interesting talks is to pretend emotions that I do not feel, I have not cried in years but even after all I'm still the same rat that neither social scum wants to get closer.

I already wasted my youth and I would rather be dead than live another 10 years like that

any advice?
Do I have a mental illness?

> inb4 kys

I already tried and i believed that at least on the verge of death I would feel sad but it was not like that, the rope broke and I'm still here.