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Quoted By: >>4487117
> Be me
> NEET with no high school diploma and not even volunteer work
> 350 pounds
> 40,000 anime DVDs in closet, half of which have been watched
> Prominent but sparse beard because I can't produce enough testosterone to make anything significant
> Taking the first trip into town I've had in 3 years
> Waddle into coffee shop and only order half a grilled cheese sandwich and a late to make it look like I'm on my way to recovering
> Take out mom's wallet
> Suddenly gas canister explodes due to loose cigarette
> Waddle as fast as I can to door
> Heightened 22 year old reflexes get me there first and I block all the people trying to get out
> Suddenly a more high pitched scream catches my attention
> Fat sloshes as I twist my neck frantically 135 degrees
> Beautiful young woman caught under rubble frantically flailing and kicking at the merciless crowd for their attention
> Try to push back against crowd but NEET muscles too weak
> Tuck my head under greasy un-showered hairy fat, hold my breath, and roll
> People pinned under rolls of fat call police but can't breathe to say anything
> Can't stop my momentum, pillar bounces off of new wife because it cannot match my mass
> Police trace calls, arrive at coffee shop, firefighters follow shortly
> New wife tells story of my heroism, having been unable to see me roll over people during the fire
> News makes waves on social media, reaches FOX, reaches president, reaches U.N.
> I now have celebrity status
> Given medals of honor, encounter 12 new wives who were begging for my attention, and become CEO of Apple
> Now have 13 wives and 9 figure income
> mfw
See you losers later
> Inb4 who are you quoting and you can't Inb4 your own OP
You people are SEETHING
> NEET with no high school diploma and not even volunteer work
> 350 pounds
> 40,000 anime DVDs in closet, half of which have been watched
> Prominent but sparse beard because I can't produce enough testosterone to make anything significant
> Taking the first trip into town I've had in 3 years
> Waddle into coffee shop and only order half a grilled cheese sandwich and a late to make it look like I'm on my way to recovering
> Take out mom's wallet
> Suddenly gas canister explodes due to loose cigarette
> Waddle as fast as I can to door
> Heightened 22 year old reflexes get me there first and I block all the people trying to get out
> Suddenly a more high pitched scream catches my attention
> Fat sloshes as I twist my neck frantically 135 degrees
> Beautiful young woman caught under rubble frantically flailing and kicking at the merciless crowd for their attention
> Try to push back against crowd but NEET muscles too weak
> Tuck my head under greasy un-showered hairy fat, hold my breath, and roll
> People pinned under rolls of fat call police but can't breathe to say anything
> Can't stop my momentum, pillar bounces off of new wife because it cannot match my mass
> Police trace calls, arrive at coffee shop, firefighters follow shortly
> New wife tells story of my heroism, having been unable to see me roll over people during the fire
> News makes waves on social media, reaches FOX, reaches president, reaches U.N.
> I now have celebrity status
> Given medals of honor, encounter 12 new wives who were begging for my attention, and become CEO of Apple
> Now have 13 wives and 9 figure income
> mfw
See you losers later
> Inb4 who are you quoting and you can't Inb4 your own OP
You people are SEETHING
