Lately I just cannot stop thinking about how there's no way I'll ever be able to have children with anyone but a blue eyed and naturally blonde woman. Which makes no sense to me because the women I'm most attracted by are pale petite koreans.

I think it started a couple weeks ago when my aunt invited the whole big family to dinner. While we were eating and talking I just took notice that literally everyone (almost 25 people) had light blue beautiful eyes. From my old grandparents to my 12 year old cousin. No exception. One of my female cousins even brought 2 of her friends over and they both were blue eyed too. (Some people in my family doesn't have blond hair any longer sadly)

I didn't really think about it more at that moment, but as soon as I got home I couldn't stop thinking about it. Should I really be the one to break the absolutely beautiful scene I witnessed that night?

I do believe my kids would be absolutely beautiful if I had them together with a korean, but there's a big chance they won't receive my light blue eyes. The realisation of that completely tears me apart right now.

I'm not racist, I don't have any white pride or anything, but for some reason I really, really, reallllllllly want my kids to have blond hair and blue eyes.

Am I retarded? I need help.