It's an absurd amount of times I've fallen in love. As far as I can remember, since elementary school it's been about 13 times. And it pretty much blended into each other every time so that, until a few years ago, I've constantly been in a painful state of love. Painful because despite not being ugly and having had several possibilities my shyness and fear of failing hindered me from acting every goddamn time. With one girl I've been in love with for several years in my teens during middle school. We became close friends pretty quickly and I know that she liked me, too. But shortly after I told her I started to act like a complete autist. I ignored her until it was over. About four years ago I graduated high school. After that my depression got worse and I became a NEET for about two years. Half a year ago I started to go to college and it directly started again. I fell in love with my housemate and, again, I have absolutely no idea how to act. I'm a goddamn 22 year old anti-social guy who has absolutely no idea how to get into a relationship. I'm a pathetic mess.