I wasted my entire 20s on a failed relationship and now I'm going to university at 30. I'm surrounded by all these hot young college girls. Also by this wild vibrant college party scene. Its a constant reminder of what I missed out on.

I can't even talk about with anyone other than a therapist because it makes me sound like a pedophile for lusting after girls so much younger.

But it's killing me. I just wish that I could be where I am right now back when I was in my early 20s. In fact, what it prett much comes down to is that the one thing I wanted more than anything else was just to make up for being a social isolate in my teenage years by getting out and living a lot in my 20s, and that's exactly what I didn't do because I let an abusive partner control me for so many years. So it's very hard not to feel like I ruined my life. I mean, I don't look forward to anything, anymore.

How do I even begin to get over this/let it go?