>be 16
>horny all of the time
>no porn
>no gf/bf
>can't stand it
>decide to do anal
>nothing fits
>end up trying to insert things for hours on end
>in a couple of months start to enjoy the agony of having shampoo bottles inside me
>fast forward age 20
>have piles
>keep going anyway
>shoving water bottles filled with hot water, alcohol inside the lube
>it hurts really bad but it makes me want it more
>tfw when 16 the anal was so good it was unimaginable
>tfw will never force things into butt ever again
>will never be overwhelmed but the feeling of being ripped apart
>by the burning
>the urge to push it out, and yet throwing my weight down on the thing anyway, forcing it inside
>had to stop a couple years ago, now that I'm in my 20s
> miss how cute my fac was, as my cheeks pulled back in agony, staring at myself in the mirror
>miss the slight prolapse from fucking myself up so much
>after the torrent of blood, I decided to stop
>fapping to the hardcore anal videos despite this, blisters form
>can't stop
>afraid I'll hurt myself again
>took months for the walls of my intestines to heal, the ulcers from blasting hot water inside myself
>my blood feels like it's carbonated, warmth flowing thought me
Does anyone else know this feel? To want to be destroyed? To feel so much pain? Unable to resist the urge to push, peeing, wishing that it'd stop as it hurts so much, and smiling after the pain is gone, wanting it to start again? I wish stem cells could allow for us to destroy ourselves, then be okay after, but it destroys me and I had to stop, but I want to hurt again, so badly. It hurting so bad I can't breathe, pushing, knees buckle, I miss it so much. I don't know if I should start again. I might soon.