If you believe me, I promise you a fantastical reward. It happens that I cannot prove it to you, because you only receive it after you die. If you don't believe me though, or start believing but stop later on, you're going to be punished horribly. I also can't prove this to you because the punishment occurs after you die.

If you feel any doubts about what I have told you, they were planted in your mind by Groblax, the invisible trickster. Anything you see or hear that makes you doubt me is the work of Groblax. If your friends or family tell you I'm a fraud, Groblax has control over their minds, and you should cut them out of your life.

You can know this is all true because people who believe me wrote a book about amazing, impossible feats that I performed in the past. How could I have done all those amazing things if what I've told you isn't true?

Also, anybody who rejects my generous offer and does not believe what I have written here is obese, has unflattering facial hair and wears an unfashionable hat. You don't want that to be you, right?