I've been working at a supermarket for about 6 months now. Having money hasn't made me any happier and the work itself is fucking awful. I daydream about killing myself quite frequently, just like I did when I was in school. Anxiety caused me to drop out of school twice so this is the best work I can get right now.

So I've decided to move back in with my dad which he was quite happy about when I told him. I'll take care of all the cooking and cleaning for him which will keep me busy and stop me from spiralling into misery. Mum cheated on him and left him a while back which fucked him up pretty bad mentally. They were together for 20+ years. He ended up getting hooked on christcuckery which is fine since it helps him cope.

For the most part he's a pretty stereotypical boomer who's always working on something practical. Last year he built a wood shed for example. He says the first thing he'll have me do when I come home is paint the house and for some reason I'm actually looking forward to it. His energy and optimism is something I lack completely and while I'm not sure I'll ever be on his level, I'd like to spend more time with him in the hope that his enthusiasm will rub off on me.

Even though I'm a functional adult (cook my own meals, do my own shopping, wash my own clothes, etc.) that doesn't change the fact that I'm a pathetic, misanthropic shut-in that spends all their free time playing video games (pretty sure I don't even like them anymore). Even when I started working my daily schedule barely changed. My existence is an incredibly miserable one and there's nothing I want to accomplish in life. Hopefully my father can at least help me reach a point where I don't want to die.