When I was younger I was a fucking fiend for jerking off. 6 to 10 times a day was normal. I eventually got desensitized I think and I needed more. I started off trying to fuck my pillows, a mattress, a vcr slot. None of that worked and one left a scar.
Then one day I was eating a hot pocket. And it dawned on me. I let it cool to a warm but comfortable temperature, and fucked it. Amazing.
My mom was shocked at my sudden taste for hot pockets. The problem was I couldn’t eat them afterwards. So she thinks I’m eating two hot pockets for every meal of the day, meanwhile I’m starving, sneaking snacks out of the pantry at every opportunity.
It was an amazing summer. I spent every cent I got from mowing lawns on hot pockets. BBQ beef was the best because of its consistent texture.
Oh, I left out an important piece, I had to break them up afterwards and flush them down the toilet. So 8 times a day I was mashing up hot pockets filled with jizz into a soup like consistency and flushing it down the toilet, like some kind of psycho.
That was a long time ago and I’m over it, I have a fleshlight now anyways and it’s much cheaper to buy diced ham and cheez wiz in bulk