Frustration adn doubt, can you ever live without the game?

I giveupigiveupa lot of my stupid habits in my life and now i give up another few because they tear me down i become less vain i become less dependent i become more independent i become more alone
i dont care
but then i do
will i be all alone in a few years regreting not pushing on the way i had before?
i need to change more and more but in the ways it counts everything stays the same
they mock me on my departure who cares they live on an island of shit ill find a new home where life is worth living but at the same time i dont know if that place exists as my body fades and my mind fades ill lose my way more and more it feels like my chest is melting but thats okay theres other ways to keep it solid like starvation and to keep on pushing

i hatethem but they cant really hurt me i have a gun :)