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Tuesday 12/5/17
They say that a lot of people get depressed around the holidays. I’m not saying that’s happening to me. But that’s two days this week that I’ve felt kind of down. I played this stupid little anime game called “Doki Doki Literature Club.” It sounds stupid, but it’s actually really depressing, and I think that’s what triggered my funky mood tonight. Don’t get the wrong idea: that dumb little game isn’t why I feel bad. It was kind of the straw that broke the bridge. The bridge that had all my emotions, dehydrated and sealed in packets labeled “just add water.” And when the bridge broke, the packets fell into the water and expanded into thoughts.
Earlier I went on a walk to think about some things. It was hard to think about anything because it’s so fucking cold. Anyways, I was just thinking about [ex] and [ex]. Now that I sort of have closure on the two of them, I have no “tragic backstory” on which to blame my emotional struggles. And even though I’m past the both of them and the problems they caused me, the feeling in my gut, like it’s being weighed down, yet remains. I often feel as if life is a movie, and I’m somewhere else watching it play out. What I’m getting at here is that feel, or at least I think I do, lonely.
