floor, I arrived on June 20 in my city and today August 12 many things have worsened compared to how I was in Canada, I feel that my girlfriend more and more she has annoyance and sometimes as laziness to talk to me or to deal with me, we always fight for stupid reasons but we always hurt ourselves and because I believe that the word I love you no longer exists from her to me. I do not blame her I know her more than a year ago and most of the time I do not do anything good for her, I always try and it never happens to me and it makes me very angry because I'm not enough for her and she is the person that I love and hurts not be the best for that person, I have experienced that many times already but with it is different because I really care but nothing seems to change in me, it is so sad to see me in this situation where even she can not stand me when I was the last close person that I had left and well until I lost her, it's so pathetic to write this with tears streaming down my eyes as I listen to her sleep knowing that very possibly today is the last night I spend by her side because I believe more and more that she will realize that I am not the one indicated that there are better people out there waiting for her while the pathetic boyfriend who has only can give pity of the situation in which she is and I hate it because sometimes I feel what maybe is with me for pity because he knows how weak I am and he does not want to destroy me anymore, I hate to feel like that, I hate being as I am, I hate who I am, I hate everything about me, I hate myself with all my strength because I can never be good for anything or anyone, ever I will be happy and I will never be able to make others happy, before I made fun of those people who said or wrote things like that and now I am one of them, who gives life, but well this is what I deserve for everything I do to others, sometimes I think that ending my life is a good solution but then I remember that I do not have the guts.