I had a completly traumatic childhood and couldn't do the things other kids did

I have the feeling that my mind tries to rectify this somehow and make me have a childhood again

>i am 19 years old
>I want to have a romantic relationship( non sexual )with an underage very young girl
>I enjoy playing games for young kids
>I want to hang out with very young people and have fun with them
>I love walking around my old school building at evening even i don't go there to schools for YEARS
>I am stalking the social media account of young people and am jealous i am not in their position

I just don't know how get rid of this and you can't live like this in our society

Is there a name for my disorder or something?