Ya know, up-and-coming video game stars come up to me all the time. They say, "Duke, what does it take to be the most bad-ass and iconic video game character of all time"?

I tell 'em, "ya gotta have pinache'. Ya gotta have ben-wa faire. But most of all ya gotta be jacked and carry enough firepower to blow a hole in the moon." Oh, and balls. Balls of brass, balls of steel, just any kinda common but weighty metal. Titanium is a little too egghead, ya know. People can't relate. But like, tin is too sissypants. You catch my drift.

Balls of steel is trademarked, BTW, so hands off. But yeah, you could have like, balls of silver or whatever. Kinda weird, but it makes for a memorable image. It's all about image. And babes. Babes love silver. You think I should'a gone with balls of silver? Anyway, where was I?...