>>647230Also, I guess I should also try a be a decent person and at least try and speak against suicide. It's just from me it's pretty hypocritical to tell you not to do it as I'm still continually considering it.
5 years have past for me and all the same problems I had with living I still have. I've made changes in my life; I went to school and got a career job. I've become less anti social and everything. Yet I still want to die every single day. I honestly can't lie and say that things get better because there is a good chance that if you're a sad or apathetic now, you'll continue to be so in the future as well.
So why am I still here? I found something that I hate more than existing to keep me here. After I tried to kill myself I saw how much it affected my mom and dad (I had no friends at this point in life so I had just my parents to care about). I realized that even if I am dead, they aren't and would have to live in grief. So it seemed selfish to kill myself when it'd only make them want to do the same. And now that I have a few friends to care about me now as well, it makes me feel extra guilty when I contemplate killing myself.
I feel like shit everyday now. But at least as long as I keep smiling, the other people in my life can be happy.
