>>6479608Okay well first off:
You don't have to take gloves to talk to me. I know I just said I am very anxious, but I'm also thick-skinned: even if you were to insult me, I wouldn't care really. So you don't have to worry about hurting my fewwings or something.
So now that this is out of the way:
A lot of my worries come from expectations and my goals. If you are the germanon I talked to the other day, then you may remember who I am. But just in case you're not, here's the quick rundown:
I'm currently studying political science, and I have high hopes for what I could do. But the main problem is I have a very rigid mindset when it comes to certain things. Mainly my relation with money.
I hate spending money. Viscerally. To be more precise, money that is not my own. Currently, my parents are still (thankfully) paying for my food, my housing and the like. And although they say it is perfectly normal, and they are not doing poorly whatsoever, I can't help but hating this. Because it makes me feel like a leech, a parasite living off the backs of my parents, who have already done a lot for me.
So I have my passion and my aspirations pulling me, but I also have this other feeling pushing me forward.
But while I have all this going on, I also know I have a very low opinion of myself: I know I have accomplished a lot to get where I am today, and I have worked for it, but I can't help but feeling like this is still nothing, and that I'm not deserving of what I have. This is something I've always thought, ever since I was a kid, barely 7 or 8. As to why: no idea.
So this gets me to today: failure to me is not only scary due to the unknown it will cause, but also, and perhaps more importantly, due to the cost and the letdown it will be to my parents. And that is what keeps me up at night. Small worries that pile up like a snowball rolling down a hill, on how I'm not a worthy child and I'm just a parasite. Worries that will be confirmed if I fail.
Cont
