I keep holding a knife to my wrists, stroking it across. I never cut in.

I keep fantasizing about taking that rope I keep in my closet, making a noose, and hanging myself.

I've suffered a lot in life. I don't feel like it's worth it. I want to die, but I don't have the balls to do it, and I don't want my family to feel so bad about my death.

I'm not asking for advice or anything, I'm just venting.

You don't need to reply or anything, I just need to get it off my chest.