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Anonymous ID:RZnpGerG Mon 22 May 2017 17:18:26 No.659589 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>659629 >>659745 >>659981 >>660677 >>661210

ITT; The most autistic things we've ever done

>be me but in like middle school
>asdfmovie whatever comes out but it's the one with the flop
>I think the flop is the most amazing dance move ever
>idea.mpeg
>I'm going to show my class this incredible new dance move
>in class the next day
>I go up to some random person
>I yell "HEY HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE FLOP"
>they meekly say no
>"WELL LEMME SHOW YOU"
>I jump into the air
>I do the flop
>I broke my nose and got a detention
>pic related

Beat that shit /bant/

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:6epbY2bF Mon 22 May 2017 17:21:07 No.659629 Report

Quoted By: >>659704 >>659719

>>659589
i put my tongue on an active hob

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:P52FiKR1 Mon 22 May 2017 17:26:46 No.659704 Report

Quoted By: >>659776

>>659629
I put my tongue on an 8 years old pussy

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:8TiueCQ3 Mon 22 May 2017 17:28:55 No.659719 Report

Quoted By:

>>659629
why

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:P52FiKR1 Mon 22 May 2017 17:31:31 No.659745 Report

Quoted By: >>659886 >>659902 >>659945 >>660851 >>661687

>>659589
I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good and horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. Use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city.

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:RZnpGerG Mon 22 May 2017 17:33:29 No.659776 Report

Quoted By:

>>659704
Not where I thought this thread was going

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:pEkNi++p Mon 22 May 2017 17:43:08 No.659886 Report

Quoted By:

>>659745
A S C E N D E D

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Go6cvNJP Mon 22 May 2017 17:44:58 No.659902 Report

Quoted By: >>659945

>>659745
>For anyone interested here is your best strategy

Why would anyone be interested kek

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:FcUsTssT Mon 22 May 2017 17:47:50 No.659945 Report

Quoted By:

>>659745
>>659902
im interested

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:f3pAPDqh Mon 22 May 2017 17:50:39 No.659981 Report

Quoted By: >>660218 >>660441

>>659589
> be me, high school
> talking to this girl during lunch
> says she needs to microwave her hot pocket
> walk to microwave together
> she remembers she has to turn something in
> " hey anon, could you microwave these for me?"
> get caught off guard
> always get nervous when I do favors
> say "yes" nervously
> brain shuts down a bit
> she leaves
> put hot pockets in microwave
> wait awkwardly
> Ding.exe
> put hot pockets in a paper plate
> she comes back and looks disappointed
> I look at the hot pockets
> I forgot to remove the wrappers
> 1 hot pocket has a melted wrapper
> the other is ok but the plastic shrank a little
>
> "oh... anon. Have you never cooked a hot pocket?"
> get nervous again
> scramble to look normal
> say "yes" confidently
> shit
> "yes... but I forgot. I usually leave the wrapper.."
> "oh...well that's fine. I wasn't that hungry anyway"
> she throws the melted one away
> we sit at a table
> I spend the rest lunch watching her take of the plastic of a hot pocket that is only like warm
> never talked to that girl again

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:f3pAPDqh Mon 22 May 2017 18:09:02 No.660218 Report

Quoted By: >>660358 >>660441

>>659981
What's wrong with me...?

> yesterday
> friend drinks a beer and asks if I can drive
> oh shit
> get nervous
> "yEaH. Ok"
> thankfully he can't hear my autism in the loud bar
> closingtime.mp3
> we get to his car
> "you know how to drive right?"
> "you bet friendo"
> he stared confused but hands me keys
> I fidget with seat
> ask how to move side mirror
> shit
> suddenly forget where keys go
> awkwardly have hand insert key into the air for a while
> finally make it in the whole
> laugh a little
> we start driving and he tells me
> he's a little concerned
> "ok so you're gonna get in the right lane after the next light"
> get in right lane
> "no not now"
> swerve back to left lane
> pass lamp post
> swerve right
> "no... at the next light"
> " oh... I thought you meant the lamp post"
> swerve left
> reach light
> swerve right
> be in familiar territory
> he tells me he knows a shortcut just have to take a left at stop sign
> can tuck this up
> I can't spass out, no more spaghetti
> approach stop sign
> don't stop
> drive past it...
> " ... I thought we'd take the scenic route.."
> it's dark out, nothing to see
> it's a long road
> eventually drive back to stop sign
> spend last minutes in awkward silence

Fuck do i hate favors...

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:Go6cvNJP Mon 22 May 2017 18:19:20 No.660358 Report

Quoted By: >>660456

>>660218
Wait, so DO you know how to drive?

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:P52FiKR1 Mon 22 May 2017 18:25:42 No.660441 Report

Quoted By: >>660515

>>659981
>be American
>don't know how to use a microwave
Jesus fucking Christ, anon. It's a very simple machine to use.
>>660218
To be fair, driving vehicles is still pretty damn hard. I've never learned how to ride a bicycle either, let alone know how to drive a car. I'm in my 20s.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:f3pAPDqh Mon 22 May 2017 18:26:18 No.660456 Report

Quoted By:

>>660358
Yes Poland, I do know how to drive...

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:f3pAPDqh Mon 22 May 2017 18:31:04 No.660515 Report

Quoted By:

>>660441
I know how to use a microwave and how to drive...
my problem is I just get so nervous of fucking up or dissapointing people while doing a favor that I fuck even worse...Otherwise I'm perfectly normal

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:RD1kCBaF Mon 22 May 2017 18:43:09 No.660677 Report

Quoted By: >>661599

>>659589
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IYnsfV5N2n8
Oh god...
>be me
>2008, 10 yo
>asdfmovie 1 comes out
>all the kiddies eat that shit up. kiddies like me
>also really into nerf guns
>have ADHD
>mother is playing with my younger brother, who was a toddler at the time while I'm playing with nerf guns in the hallway
>"got your nose!"
>mother does the got your nose thing to brother
>get idea
>grab nerf gun, yell, "look out he's got a nose!", and shoot it in their direction
>note that I'm not shooting a pistol nerf gun like in the video, but a big ass rapid-fire gun
>released half a round on my brother before I realize what I was doing
>mother is in complete shock, as she tries to calm down my brother
>all my nerf guns are taken away and donated
Never again

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:6PQqUU/1 Mon 22 May 2017 18:56:43 No.660851 Report

Quoted By:

>>659745
How old was this pasta

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:53JK3LYr Mon 22 May 2017 19:16:41 No.661210 Report

Quoted By:

>>659589
>be 6
>be in kindergarten
>have to pee
>pull my pants down in front of other kids and teacher
>go to toilet with my pants pulled down
>do the work
>go back to classroom
>they see my weiner again
>pull my pants up

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:RZnpGerG Mon 22 May 2017 19:32:14 No.661599 Report

Quoted By:

>>660677
That is definitely worse than breaking a nose

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:IDn2Kklf Mon 22 May 2017 19:37:40 No.661687 Report

Quoted By:

>>659745

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