Inflicting pain on someone is the most enjoyable sensation possible. Again and again and again while they beg you to stop. Using them until they beg you to stop. Breaking their hope and their will. Fucking them until they're dead. Taking everything they have to give and more, beyond the limits of human suffering. If you are caught, so what? There's nothing left to save. They can put you in jail and throw away the key, but what she gave you, they can't ever take away.
You are a cuck if you ever want to "fall in love" with any female. You need to try inflicting pain.