Holy hell. I feel like shit, bant.

>be in apartment
>friends are ordering an escort
>they try to convince me to do the same
>it takes some convincing, but as a 20 yo KHV I eventually cave
>meet escort at her RV (it's one of those really expensive ones)
>she's really hot, begin to think I made the right decision--I'm finally going to lose my virginity
>enter RV
>silently put the money down somewhere visible
>ask to use the restroom before we start
>start peeing
>a pee a lot more than I thought I would, but whatever
>start shitting
>nothing comes out, but I know it's in there
>the thickest shit I've ever shat starts to come out
>it hurts like hell
>wake up

It's important to note that I also never even had a sex dream before. I can't even lose my virginity in my dreams. All because I suddenly had to shit. I hate my life.