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You think YOUR life is bad? Well, let me tell you about my troubles. I am addicted to laxatives and muscle relaxants. I overdose on them daily, and then I spend hours and hours on the couch, shitting myself while unable to lift a muscle. Think that's hard? Nah, that ain't nothing. I also have a penchant for spicy food, which means my asshole gets a burning sensation the entire time. It's like I'm leaking fire and unable to do anything about it. I can't even wipe myself until I've passed out and woken up, wallowing in my own shit. That's the hard life, dude.
