Welcome! Welcome to Coolsville! You have chosen, or been chosen, to relocate to one of our finest remaining urban centers. I thought so much of Coolsville that I elected to establish my administration here, in the Citadel so thoughtfully provided by our benefactors. I've been proud to call Coolsville my home. And so, whether you are here to stay, or passing through on your way to parts unknown - welcome to Coolsville. It's SUCKS here.
