I used to date this dude (he was trans, meaning he used to be a women, To clarify). This is my first green text. So excuse me if it’s not correct

>Used to be in love with online friend. Let’s call him Michael.
>Michael was the absolute love of my Life.
>Knew them for 4-5 years
>
We were absolutely in love. But we’re too awkward to date, and both understood Distance relationships wouldn’t work. So, we didn’t look face to face when it came to getting super “Personal”
>She starts dating this dude
>I leave it alone. Still stay friends with her
>they get super drunk (the catch is she was like 12 at the time) and Fucked.
>I got super pissed.
>I shared advice, helped, Nurtured. And told I loved this person
>and they completely shat on my feelings.
>I only learned because of her little brother texting me
>I didn’t talk to him for months.
>They refuses to apologize until I demanded it because they were Ashamed of themselves, and We made up. And I tried to bury those feelings
We were fine for a while. The emotional wound healed. But it still hurt everyonce in a while.
>Was a few months ago
>Suddenly, those thoughts began to surface because they admitted to never listening or caring about my feelings when this happened
>I get super fucking pissed. At the time, we were practically dating, and so those words seriously affected me
>I yell at them. And refuse to talk to them
>Refuse to talk to them, and when they try, I tell them I’m cutting communications with them
I soon regret my choice because. Even though I hated them for what They put me through emotionally
>tried to talk to them, and admitted I wanted to be friends again.
>They refused. Told me to get over myself, and they already (in the span of a month) found someone to be friends with
>I cried for days
>my mental state has Deteriorated and my mom is sending me to Counseling
>I want to blow my brains out because of how much I still love them.
Does anyone have advice...? I miss them...