Is anyone here any body important? Nobility? Powerful at all?

My family controls all the essential power structures in our country. Three generations from petty Ottoman nobility through all the wars and surviving and taking control of key institutions at my direction. I'll be assassinated or finish my endgoal soonish. Need to make much more extensive preparations and fictionalize the Party as well as find an opening on the Ghost to have some payback if I am killed, but I did what was my duty. The generation after is better off now, and I am so eager to die.

Plebs have no idea what kind of person it takes to take power. When you gain power, you must retain power for the sake of power. To lose power is death. Power is antithetical to the goal of man: liberation of his will from all compulsions to fulfill his creative potential. And no, it is not desirable. I can fuck whatever woman I want. I can do bad things. We define good We define the law. We even control the highest cleric. I guess I am acetic. 23 years I've tried and tried to die and still not even taking over a country did it. Knife to each side of my throat 5 inches down, miss by mm, What left is there in life?