Drunk drivers are not in control of their behavior, because they're drunk. But that doesn't mean they're not responsible for their actions, and the people they hurt still have to carry the burden of healing.
Toxic people may or may not recognise that their behaviour is harmful - but they still hurt other people, and very rarely does that ever change.
If they were raised in toxic households themselves, we can (if we choose) sympathise with them, but it doesn't mean that we have to accept, excuse, or pardon their behaviour.