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Sometimes when I go to sleep with my Todd Howard bodypillow, I cry. I feel inadequate compared to Todd's creativity and game design. I face my mountain dew poster and prey to the mountain god in hopes of redeeming myself. I constantly dream of floating cheese and buckets on people's heads.
When I'm done crying, I wake up at 3am and start modding skyrim, feeling guilty that I'm going against Todd's game design choices. But then he comes in through my window and reassures me that modding is okay. "It's okay to install sexlab and Crimes Against Humanity," he says. He then slips his small yet thick arms around my shoulder and puts his mouth on my ear, slowly nibbling it. As he nibbles it, he whispers in my ear "Buy Skyrim Special Edition, FriedPuppy.
Buy it.
You know you want to.
Buy it for the seventh time."
As my will crumbles, I go to the steam page of the latest version of Skyrim on my third account. With my steam wallet near empty, he reassures me that it will be alright. "Come on kiddo, take your parent's credit card. They won't mind." My willpower and self-esteem is at an all time low. I must repent for my modding crimes. Just as I click buy, Todd the God sticks his big hard fallout bobblehead in my tight embrace. I instantly break down and buy Skyrim for the seventh time. With the vault boy bobblehead holding a fat man in my embrace, Todd suddenly disappears. It turns out the bobblehead was just my 2 liter bottle of mountain dew.
Baffled as I was, I suddenly understood. He was all in my mind.
I WANTED to buy Skyrim for the seventh time; nobody forced me to do it.
With this revelation in mind, I finally realized the most important truth. I was being led through the nose by myself.
I saw the mountain, yet I decided not to climb it.
He didn't make me not go on the mountain at a 90° on my horse that is about to die. I chose not to go.
For all that I thought, it turned out that Todd is a ghost.
