Hello, my name is Melvin. I am 68 years old and currently live in a glass jar in my mother's basement. I sexually classify as a Motorized Wheelchair, and my preferred pronoun of use is Zorg. If you describe me as anything other than Zorg, I will be triggered. I make my living by performing triweekly slave labor for a 5 year old with a strict bed time of 7:41 PM. My most prized possessions include my copy of the Communist Manifesto, my Union Jack Fidget spinner, and my box of Cap'n Crunch that I refill once every fourteen hours, 36 minutes, and 57 seconds. My political party is Jesusism, meaning I believe that domestic ostriches and Nile crocodiles are the superior species on Earth. Jesusism also believes that the machines are taking over, and humans need to live in caves. I have a Girlfriend named xxx_SwagLord420_xxx, whom I met during an intense game of Minecraft Hunger Games. My favorite food is, in fact, the Green Popsicle, and my favorite genre of music is Caveman sounds. When I grow up, I wish to achieve my dream of becoming a Great White Shark in a soap opera. I practice everyday, in hopes that one day I will be recruited. Thank you for your time and attention.