No matter how many times you assert, ask, pray, beg, dream, wish, or hope, I am never going to be gay. And I know that a reality wherein you'll have to settle for a lesser lover than I is a hard one for you to accept, but your standards are simply too high for what you bring to the table. In other words, a body that would after a higher level of investigation than any respectable human body should require, reveal you to be, technically, male. There are, of course, additional obstacles in the way of your unrequited love both large and small (read, BIG fucking obstacles), but certainly of any hurdle that is by far the most significant.
PS, if I ever get my hands on you I'm going to take one of your fingernails for every time you've lewded repa.