Should I just kill myself? I feel like I've trapped myself. My only current purpose is hedonism and I lack the discipline necessary to channel myself to any higher cause. I don't wanna just give up and leech off the friends and family who already give me my only joy in life, but at the same time I keep getting faced with ultimatums, keep getting told I need to either turn my life around immediately or completely drop everything I'm working towards and commit to being a failure on a road that goes nowhere. It's unhealthy. I'm unhealthy. I can't even properly manage all the social circles I've dedicated my measly existence to.

I wish everyone would just abandon me already. There's no will in this empty shell they're so attached to just empty platitudes and cheap laughs. And yet I can't cut myself loose either because it'd end up all the same; it'd just be the weight of my corpse that's crushing them instead. It hurts. I'm not strong enough to live up to the name I've made for myself. I want another try at this life. Someone help me.